Bad Breakups

Hey everyone,

I was lying in bed this morning (oo-er!) and was thinking about how much my life has changed in the past 5/6 months and how many mistakes I've made, but more importantly how much I've learned about how to deal with situations, about myself and how not to make the same mistakes again. So I thought I'd write this post just in case any of my readers are going through something similar and I could possibly shed a bit of light on the subject or give a new insight on things, but most importantly, to give hope and positivity about such a sensitive subject. I've been wanting to write this post for a while, but only recently have I become me again and feel ready to be speaking about my breakup and not get upset by it all. I'm finally happy with who I am and it's working out pretty well for me - not to reveal anything!

Breakups are are tough, no one is denying that and you might well end up feeling like you're all on your own. Half the battle is opening up to people because you feel like you're boring them or they don't care. But trust me, you will know at least one person who cares and wants to listen and more importantly, for you to be happy. 

So I'm gonna go through a few points that I think are important to consider going through a bad breakup.

Do not let their negativity get into your head. 

If you've broken up with the because you've realised that they aren't who you want anymore, or you're standing up for yourself and not putting up with their poor actions then chances are they'll try and make you feel bad about yourself and convince you that you have made a mistake, they can change. I've seen this happen far too many times, one being to myself. But trust me, you've got to stay strong and keep reminding yourself of the reason you broke up, you did it because you were unhappy and this is your way of getting back to your old self. If they try to tell you things such as "You'll never find someone who loves you as much as I do" or " You're not good enough for anyone else" you need to ignore them right away. They have probably been caught off guard that you have stuck up for yourself, they have lost their power over you and are just trying to get it back. If you listen to their negativity then chances are you'll end up back at square one, in a relationship which makes you unhappy and with a person who doesn't deserve you. Be strong. 

Surround yourself with positive influences.

The worst thing to do when going through a hard breakup is sit at home on your own looking through old photos, watching romance films and crying about everything. It gets you nowhere, trust me. I was lucky, I moved to university a few months after my breakup so that kept me so busy but if you don't have a big life event such as this, spend time with people who make you happy. Do fun things that you couldn't while with this person, get out the house and enjoy everything that life has to offer you! This is your chance to be a little bit selfish and do exactly what you want for once!

Have ME time.

This follows on from my last point really, but enjoy yourself. Go that hair colour you always said you would, buy that jumper you've loved but couldn't afford because you had to pay for days out instead. Just enjoy yourself! Be a bit selfish and do everything you said you couldn't. You'll feel great after.

Time heals so much.

Have patience with yourself, I wish I could say that you'll wake up after a week and you'll be over it because chances are you won't. It's going to take time to get over it and be ready to move on, don't rush yourself. It might take 2 months or 2 years, who knows but don't force yourself to move because that will only lead to 'relapse' and regret. 

Don't rush for a rebound.

This one is super important. I've seen so many of my friends jump straight into a new relationship thinking it will help them get over the other person and fulfil the empty space their ex left. From my experience, this just leads to another poor relationship because you're not ready for it. When the time is right, you will know and when the time is right, the right person will come along. Don't force things and let the gods above do their work! It takes the pressure off things an you can naturally become involved with someone.

Believe there is something better out there for you.

This is the most important! Breakups feel like the end of the world but they aren't. Have faith that happiness will come soon and it will get better for you because it will, I can hand-on-heart promise. Learn from the mistakes you may or may not have made last time and you will be thankful of this when it comes to your next relationship. You're worth so much more than all the sadness and heartache of the last breakup and something great is probably round the corner, you just have to be willing to accept it and be in the right frame of mind to do so. Take your time and be comfortable with what you want. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, if you aren't ready for something, then communicate it to the other person, if they care about you then they will understand and respect your boundaries! 

So there we go, that's just some of the things I've learnt from my breakup and the breakups of those around me and I hope that I could help just one of the people who have read this. If anyone ever needs an outside to listen then my email address is: katiegoodwin1995@gmail.com or if you prefer to be anonymous, then I have a tumblr which is: http://bonjour-katie.tumblr.com

Stay positive and be true to yourself,

Love Katie. xx